Discipline Ideas

Discipline Ideas:

1. Children Don’t Fit in a Box: One thing having a couple of children will teach you is that they are all unique and need to be parented as individuals. What is effective for my first born was not effective at all for my third child. Get creative! Strategize with friends. Ask for other ideas. If your current ways of showing love or correction are not working, look for other strategies. Become a student of your children. Learn what makes them tick. Look for ways to build them up in these ways and when they need correction think of discipline that will affect them. My creative children are not deterred by time outs because the sit and think of stories or sing or play with a string. It doesn’t matter to them. But one of my children can’t stand to miss out of anything that everyone else is doing so time outs are his worst punishment. Know your kids! It’s much harder than having the same discipline for everyone, but the results are worth it.
2. You Have To Choose Your Battles: This is one phrase I have heard over and over by my peers; unfortunately it was usually in response to behavior that they were ignoring from their child. I completely agree with that statement, you do have to pick your battles; you can’t discipline every behavior that annoys you. If you did you would be disciplining all day and you would completely exasperate your child and yourself. But you do have to actually pick one. Many parents never pick one. They start a few, but then back down. If you pick a battle (set a limitation or say no to something) than stick with it. I remember when our first child was a baby, our apartment was pretty baby-proof but we had two battles we chose to pick. She couldn’t touch the stereo (which was on the bottom of our entertainment center right by her level), and she couldn’t climb into the dishwasher. Of course she constantly tried to do those two things. If we let her do it, even once, we lost the battle and she would realize that Mommy and Daddy are just making suggestions. She was really the one in charge. So when you are choosing your battles think carefully about them and make sure they are worth “battling” over. And then battle like you mean it and win.
3. Grace: I think it is important to talk to our kids about grace. We all receive it from God when we break His rules and they need to know that and understand that they are forgiven and accepted, regardless of their choices. There may still be consequences, but they are always forgiven. That means that we need to let things go. We can’t hold poor decisions of the past over our children and constantly remind them of their past mistakes. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” God’s grace is enough! His power in us is all we need. I want my kids to know that I do not expect them to be perfect. I also try to admit to my kids when I am wrong and ask their forgiven so that they see that I need grace too. Along with that, whenever it is possible, I try to bring the behavior that we are discussing back to their relationship with God (age appropriately). Ask questions like, “What do you think God is saying to you about that?” “What do you think God wants you to do about hitting your brother?” etc.
4. Look at my Eyes: When small children are having trouble obeying or following directions, I always say, “Look at my eyes”. It focuses them on me and not what is going on around them and lets them know I am serious about what I am asking them to do.
5. Happy or Nappy: If one of my kids is whining or crying over nothing my policy is “Happy or Nappy”. I remind them that their choice is to stop whining or go to their bed until they can. You cannot force your child to stop crying, but you don’t have to listen to it. That just makes you both want to cry. I start this policy first thing in the morning. If they wake up grumpy, they head back to bed until they can wake up happy. Now if I could only send myself to bed when I’m grumpy.
6. Time Outs: The amount of time out minutes needed to change behavior is always an interesting topic. In my early parenting years I heard one minute per year of the child. I honestly don’t think that is enough time to change behavior. For a 3 year old to sit for 3 minutes is not “painful” enough to remind him not to repeat this behavior. My husband suggested that 5 minutes per year of the child was a better option. I have to say it is a LONG time, and my Momma instincts resist it, but it does seem to have more of an effect. Whatever time you decide on, it has to be effective. If the behavior isn’t changing, make the time longer or the consequence more severe.
7. High Five (handling disappointment): Lately my son has been having a hard time dealing with disappointment. Not life altering disappointments, rather small things actually. Things like having a lot of homework, clean sheets that don’t smell familiar, not having a snack he wants, having to read. . . like I said, small things. Anyway, this particular child is very good most of the time, but he has this tendency towards moodiness and I’m never sure how to deal with it. Do I take away all his toys so he appreciates what he has? Take a field trip where he can see the lifestyles of some who are not as fortunate as him, or ignore his grumpiness as a phase. I just finished reading 10,000 gifts by Ann Voskamp, where she encourages counting your blessing so to speak. I decided to try it with him and call it “High Five”. We each put up a hand and count off 5 things we are thankful for that day. It isn’t an instant cure for moodiness but it does help refocus on all the positive things instead of the few negative one.
8. Fighting: UGH! This one definitely requires the most of my time. I want my kids to grow up to love each other, and hopefully they will, but some days they don’t. Siblings do not have unconditional love for each other like parents do. One thing I try to do with my kids is point out their gifts to the others. I hope this helps them appreciate that person more and perhaps have more patience for their weaknesses. Some practical ideas that I will do for fighting are as follows: choose a chore to do since you have nothing better to do that fight with your brother, both of you are in time out together until you can work it out, go to your room and write what you did wrong as a letter of apology to your sibling, hitting in the car – fold your hands, talking freshly – loose the privilege to talk.