Making Time For Each Child: We have a large family, so making time for each child’s individual needs can be tricky. I wouldn’t say that my husband and I have mastered it by any means but we have learned a few things along the way that may help. One idea is my husband takes each child out for breakfast on the day (1st or 14th, etc.) they were born each month. We both look for opportunities to take the kid on little dates. It may be a walk to the park, a quick trip to get a slurpee, throwing the ball in the back yard, or watching a football game at night with one child. I try to lie in bed with one child each night a little longer and chat about their day. I can’t do it with everyone every night but they all know their turn is coming. If you are not intentional to do this, it won’t happen. In our family we have 2 “talkers”. One in particular needs time to warm up before he starts talking. If it weren’t for these individual dates I would miss out on what my non-talkers are thinking. For my pre-school aged children, I always try to make sure that I have snuggled and read to each of them individually once a day, at the very least. As my children are getting older, staggering bed times gives me more time with them for bedtime routine. I find that they are most eager to talk with me about important things when we snuggle before bed. Though I am often tired and ready to rush the process, it is time well spent.
Potty Training: Though I have successfully potty trained 5 children, I would not say I am an expert. Each child is so different. Only you will know exactly when to start training and what strategies to use. I didn’t start training until my kids were at least two and a half. I had a little potty that could go anywhere we needed to go (including the car). I didn’t use pull-ups except for nighttime. It seemed to send a mixed message to my kids, and they always peed in them, so it ended up just being a more expensive diaper. We just went cold turkey. I bought plastic pants and thick sturdy undies for the first few days. There were a lot of accidents, which we cleaned up together and I didn’t make a big deal of. We did make a big deal of the successful trips to the potty however. The child would get an M&M or Smartie for any success, a sticker on the chart and a lot of praise. My rule of thumb was 3 days all or nothing. If by the end of 3 days there were still a lot of accidents, I would pack it all up and not try again for at least a month. I don’t know if this is sound advice or not but I played up the “big kid” card a lot. I would say, “We’ll have to wait until you are bigger and able to make it to the potty”. Some took longer than others. I will say as a word of warning that potty accidents made me experience more frustration than any other parenting issues. Be prepared for a battle from strong willed children. You can’t make them pee but you can make them try. My feeling was that they were all able to sit on the potty, so that was the battle I chose. Once they were trained, they got to pick out cute undies with characters on them. Also, after they were completely trained I did discipline for accidents. If they were too lazy to stop playing to go potty they would sit in timeout while I cleaned everything up, etc. I would never advise disciplining for accidents while sleeping though, no matter how old the child is. Though it makes a lot of extra work for you, try really hard not to let them feel badly for it. It is truly not their fault. Good luck and remember: they will eventually be potty trained. Don’t worry about the age. Just focus on when it’s right for your child.
Food: This is a tough area for many parents. I learned early that kids have opinions on what they eat. My daughter ate every fruit or vegetable baby food I gave her, until I tried to make my own baby food. She spit it out and shuddered for the next few minutes at the thought of it. I’m sure now that it had something to do with the consistency of the food, as she still struggles with that today. Ken and I have had our share of food battles. We have handled them differently through the years. Some suggestion that have stuck are as follows:
- For Infants: I was never super scheduled with my babies. The only thing I stuck to was this order: sleep, eat, play. So the baby would eat as soon as he woke up and not be nursed to sleep. All my babies were put to bed awake so they learned to fall asleep on their own and fed as soon as they woke up so that they didn’t fall asleep eating and only get half a feeding. As far as the time between, that depended on how long they slept. I learned with my first child that all babies do not need the same amount of sleep. She never slept the amounts that the book said she was supposed to.
- Ask for food: My kids are not allowed to graze all day long for a couple reasons. We can’t afford it, it’s not good for them and I am a control freak when it comes to knowing what they eat. Even my tweens still have to ask for something to eat.
- At meals they eat what is offered, nothing else: Each one of my children has a vegetable or meal that they don’t like. Tough! They eat it or nothing at all. I think it’s important for them to learn to like foods that they may have initially dismissed. I dish the kids a little bit (I’m talking tiny portions for the little kids, like a teaspoon) of everything on the table and they have to finish it or go to bed early. 99% of meals everyone finishes without a problem. After they finish everything on their plate, they can have seconds or bread. We also think it is important to spend time together as a family at dinner time. So whether they are hungry or not, we all sit together until they are excused.
Road Trips: Since we have a large family, we drive to our destinations rather than fly. I remember growing up that the road trip was always part of the fun so my intent is for my kids to feel the same. Here are some suggestions.
- Make a map of where you are going and a movable car to show where you are. This cuts down on the, “Are we there yet” questions. I mark off cities that are about equal distance apart, depending on how long your trip is and put Velcro on the back. This works because our van is carpeted (I know, we travel in such luxury). Another way to do it is a window decal, if you aren’t riding in luxury with carpeted walls.
- On our last trip to Disney, I wrapped a gift to open every time we went through a new state. They all revolved around the same theme of “Something to. . . “. The first one was “Something to Drink” and in the cooler was a box containing one Gatorade for each child (which doubled as “Somewhere to Pee” for the boys after they finished drinking it). I also had “Something to do”: loom bands, “Something to color”: new coloring books, “Something to watch”: taped Disney channel shows, “Something to eat”: favorite snacks, “Something to play”: a new game, “Something to see”: South of the Border, Something to solve”, brain teasers, and “Something to wear:” new sunglasses. It gave them something to look forward to and then something to do for a while, which broke up the trip.
- I pack some sandwiches so that we don’t have to stop for every meal. This cuts down on extra expenses and makes your drive time quicker.
- We put a map on the window of all the states and I found stickers with each states name (though you could just color in the states). When we found a license plate of that state we added that sticker. The only problem with this was at potty breaks the kids were checking every license plate, which took longer.
- I have one child who always gets car sick so I have a bin under the seat where I stash large Ziploc bags just in case. I also have in there wipes, extra diapers, tissues, a change for the baby, and a small pencil case.
- When I had a newborn that was rear facing, I would attach a mirror so that he could see himself. I also put a picture of myself up once when I thought maybe if he could see me he would be happier longer. Not sure how well that worked but it may be worth a try.
- Look for McDonalds or Burger King with a play place. Letting them run around for a few minutes before getting strapped back in helps with some of the fighting in the car.
- This isn’t so much a road trip suggestion, but more a vacation suggestion. For little ones bring a packet of big balloons. They are tiny to pack and fun to play with while on vacation. They won’t break anything, like a ball might but they provide hours of play and you can throw them away when you leave. I never vacation without them.