In our playroom, hang these words. My amazingly talented sister made them.
They are a reminder to me of my primary job, to teach. Yes, I clean and cook and wash and wipe. Some days it seems that is all I do, but underlying everything, my job is to teach: to teach my children to obey, to listen, to respect; to teach them their ABC’s and 123’s; to teach them how to dance and sing and laugh; to teach them to clean up after themselves and say, “I’m sorry.”; to teach them the Word of God and who they are in Him; to teach them healthy eating, grooming and to change their underpants and socks. If you are a mom, you are a teacher.
My sister and her husband became parents in the last few years and their primary concern is a well-mannered child. From the time their daughter could speak, they instructed her in the proper way to phrase things and the use of manners. After months of this, my sister was frustrated because their daughter still needed constant reminders to use her manners. I laughed because having been a parent a bit longer, my expectation has changed. I know these things take time and lots and lots of energy. But it does eventually pay off, as it did for them, and I can honestly say that little Emma is one of the most well-mannered 3 year olds I know. The fact that she speaks with an English accent, makes it all the more endearing.
As parents, we cannot possibility do a good job teaching our children everything that we want to with the same energy and passion. Each of us has different priorities. I think it’s important to identify what your top priorities are for your children so that your energy is best spent on that. Maybe it’s just because I have 6 children, but I find if I am not intentional in my parenting attempts, it just doesn’t happen. I can want my children to be good readers, but if we don’t spent the time together reading each day, it may not happen. I can want them to be independent, but if I don’t teach them how and allow them the opportunities to do so, they will most likely rely on me to do everything for them.
My oldest 2 children are naturally creative and would engage in creative play all day long. My first son loved Little People, and everywhere we went he brought “my peoples”. My third child, however, never liked creative play. All he ever wanted to play with was a broom and a ball, and still does to this day (though sadly, he’s traded the broom for a bat). Anyway, I realized a few children later that since the third never took much to creative play, it was almost phased out in our house. The older ones grew out of the little toys and the younger ones never really took to it. It occurred to me, that maybe they weren’t playing because they didn’t know how. So I gathered all the Star Wars guys and my 4 year old and we sat down for a big battle. He chose all the bad guys, I had all the good guys. I tried to talk in Star Wars tones and made up a little adventure as I went along. He mostly watched and then started to capture whoever I was playing with. I let him and grabbed another character.
This went on for a few minutes while my 2 year old was watching, playing with his Mickey Mouse. After a few minutes, he walked over and hit my character on the head and said, “Mickey Mouse kill your guy.” Hmmmmm! Perhaps I had better re-think this role play. I said, “Oh no, Mickey Mouse is very nice. He does not hurt anyone.” He went and grabbed Donald Duck and came back. “Donald kill your guy.” I tickled and chased him and thus ended our Star Wars battle. Perhaps we will role play with Diego and his animals next time.
I can assure you that I never taught him to use the word “kill” in that manner, yet he learned it. I guess that is what hit me that day. There are so many forces in our culture “teaching” our children. TV, computer sites, school agendas, toy manufacturing companies, friends, you name it; it’s trying to impact our kids. If as parents we are not intentionally trying to teach our children what we believe to be true, what we value, than they may learn a very different message than our own.
I also believe that what we do means more than what we say. Our kids are watching us. They model us at very young ages. If we are not kind, they will not be kind. If they watch us hold a grudge, than why should they forgive? If they hear us talking badly about someone else, they will speak poorly of others as well. It is a huge responsibility to parent. Some days, most days, I am overwhelmed by the responsibility. But even when I fail, and they get the wrong message, my job is still to teach, and God’s job is to teach me.
