Walk a Mile With Me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More than most things, I want to be understood.  I think that is why I seek company with those who have similar experiences as my own.  I have friends from many facets of life.  Each of them understands me differently.  My sisters understand my upbringing.   My roommates from college speak my language from the inside jokes we made during those years.  Now I have a few friends who are also raising a gaggle of children.  All of these friends can understand me in ways that other people cannot.

Unfortunately, I have recognized in myself the temptation to judge others whom I do not understand.  Even if I never voice the criticism out loud, my thoughts and attitude speaks condemnation.   I never really saw it for what it was until recently when I caught myself judging someone I love deeply.

I came home one day, I saw my husband sitting in the front yard with his bucket and screwdriver, pulling up weeds from the root.  Although he was doing nothing wrong, rather he was trying to make our pathetic looking yard slightly more appealing, I passed judgment on him.

It went something like this:

“Why would he prioritize pulling weeds when the door to the mud room is off its hinges?  I wish he would put up that swing for the kids instead.”   The list in my head went on.

As I was contemplating all the things that I thought would be a better use of his time, I felt the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit asking me how I would feel if he did the same thing to me.  I began to wonder how many days he came home from work and saw the house in complete chaos, with me collapsed on a chair surrounded by my babies, reading books; perhaps the remains of our craft still strewn around the dining room table.  Dinner plans lacking.  Laundry piled high.  Probably still in our jammies.  If he were to pass judgement on what I had prioritized to do that day, I would have been defensive and hurt.

I enjoy the freedom to live my days the way I want, prioritizing what I see as most important, but yet I want to judge him on how he spends his day.  HYPOCRISY!

So often I wish that Ken could see my days and witness firsthand the things that are hurled at me.  He would appreciate me more if he knew just how naughty that child was today and how patient and calm I tried to be with him.  He would thank me for mopping the floor twice because seconds after I mopped it the first time HIS child spilled and entire jug of apple juice on the floor.   It would be nice if he truly knew what I was dealing with; if he really understood how difficult the job of a stay at home mom can be at times.

I think that’s what we all want; to be understood.  But what we forget is that in order to be understood, someone else has to understand. 

Do I put myself in my husband’s shoes and really try to understand him?  What is it like to work two jobs and still have to trust God to provide for your family? How does he feel when he walks in our house at dinner time and he is hit with a barrage of questions and requests, “The computer is not working.  I can’t remember the password to my tablet.  Can you download my music to my IPod?  Are you taking me to youth group tonight?  Can we have friends over on Saturday?  Can we wrestle, Daddy?”

When I try to put myself in his shoes, I am grateful.  I am thankful that he works so hard so that I can stay home and get to do the job I want most in life, be mom.  I am glad that he loves babies as much as I do and that he strives to be a man of God even on days when it’s really hard.  I am less critical and more appreciative.

This lesson extends beyond my marriage.  I have begun looking at others in my life who I don’t always try to understand:  a child who marches to the beat of his own drum,  a friend whose life always seems to be in disarray,  the crabby mom at the play place who disrespects her child.  Perhaps instead of criticism they need understanding.

I realize that I will not completely understand what everyone is going through.  Just as the old saying goes, “You can’t really understand another person’s experiences until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.”

If we are honest, we can’t really do that.  We can’t experience someone else’s experiences.  But we can recognize that we might not do it any different if those experiences were our own.  It’s easy to stand in judgement on issues you are no faced with.

Once we start to criticize others, there is no shortage of subjects.  Teachers, politicians, pastors, parents are all at the receiving end of our judgmental thoughts and words.  Whoever isn’t doing it exactly as we would do it (or think we would do it), must be doing it wrong.

I need so much help with this.  I think at the core, when we criticize someone else it is to make ourselves feel better.  Even when we do it silently, in our hearts we are proud.  We feel we are better than someone else.

I think this verse from 1 Peter 3:8 reflects the same notion:   Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.

I am praying that God will help me to have a heart of sympathy and compassion for others and see them as only He does, and seek to understand them.  It is much easier to say these words than to do them, but I think the change starts when we acknowledge that there is a problem, and the problem is in each of us. 

Hear me.  I am not saying that we can never think or speak a negative word to someone.  When someone is in sin, we need to call it sin.  But we can still approach it with understanding.  The Bible says to speak the truth in love.    It is true that God has a standard for living.  It is also true that none of us meet it.  How do I want someone to approach me when I make a mistake?  Grace!

When my child acts wrongly, it’s my job to get to the root of his behavior and help him figure out why he is behaving that way.  As much as humanly possible, I need to “walk a mile in his shoes.”  How does it feel to be the middle child?  What is exasperating him to respond this way?  Are there other factors involved that we need to address?  Those are the thoughts that will actually lead me to understanding him and hopefully helping him.

Grace is unmerited favor.  We have all receive grace from God and when we love instead of judge, we pass this grace along to others.  I fail daily with this. I think I’m better than other people’s mistakes.  I don’t admit it outwardly but I think it, and that’s the same.

These are the words to Matthew West’s song, “Grace Wins”:

In my weakest moment I see You shaking Your head in disgrace.
I can read the disappointment written all over Your face.

CRITICISM

Here come those whispers in my ear saying, “Who do you think you are?”
Looks like you’re on your own from here ‘cause grace could never reach that far.

CRITICISM

But in the shadow of that shame beat down by all the blame I hear You call my name saying it’s not over.
And my heart starts to beat so loud now drowning out the doubt. I’m down, but I’m not out

GRACE

There’s a war between guilt and grace,
And they’re fighting for a sacred space,
But I’m living proof, Grace wins every time.
No more lying down in death’s defeat,
Now I’m rising up in victory,
Singing, hallelujah, Grace wins every time.

Words can’t describe the way it feels when mercy floods a thirsty soul .
The broke inside begins to heal and grace returns what guilty stole.

GRACE

For the prodigal son, Grace wins!
For the woman at the well, Grace wins!
For the blind man and the beggar, Grace wins!
For always and forever, Grace wins!
For the lost out on the streets, Grace wins!
For the worst part of you and me, Grace wins!
For the thief on the cross, Grace wins!
For a world that is lost, Grace wins!

When I focus on that, grace wins.  For the disobedient child, grace wins.  For the grumpy woman at the park, grace wins.  For the person who’s getting on my last nerve, grace wins.

For the worst part of you and me, grace wins.

Thank God for His grace on us.  He sees past our weaknesses to us.  He sees the person.  He sees our worth not our mistakes.  He understands our value.  We are precious to Him.  So precious, He was willing to die a sinner’s death to cover our guilt, so that grace could win.

God open my eyes to see people the same way. Let me walk a mile with them and hope that some day they will walk a mile with me.