Six in a Row

There are times in my life when I’ve been disappointed, not destroyed, not beaten, just disappointed.  I’m ashamed to admit it but a few of those times have been at the ultra sounds of our children.  We had a girl first and then a few boys to follow, six to be exact.

When we found out I was expecting our seventh child, I told Ken I didn’t want to find to the gender.   I hated that feeling of disappointment at the ultra sound and just wanted to be surprised.  The whole time I was pregnant I prepared myself for a boy, but held out hope that maybe it was a girl.  People would say, “As long as it’s healthy. . .”  I would nod along but deep within me I was praying, “GIRL, GIRL, GIRL!”

As pathetic as it sounds, this has been one of my biggest inner struggles for the last few years.  I grew up with five sisters.  When I had my daughter, I imagined she would have the same privilege.  God has had other plans thus far.  She has six brothers.

My struggle comes with feeling selfish for even caring.  I recognize that I have seven healthy children.  Shouldn’t that be enough for me?  I am blessed beyond measure so why am I discontent with only one daughter?

Contentment is a tricky thing.  I have struggled with it in various areas but this area has been hard for me to let go.  God promises to give us all we need for life and godliness.

1 Corinthians 6:6-8 says, “But godliness actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment. For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content.” 

In Philippians 4, Paul is talking about learning to be content and he sums it up with a very popular verse that most of us use when we are trying to win a game or ace a test.   Read the last verse in light of the verses in front of it:   

“Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

I am learning to be content with my life circumstances because God is giving me the strength to do so.  Instead of wishing for something else, I can embrace the boy-mom and find the joy that lies in it.  And there is so much joy.  The boy-mom life is full of messes, gas, and intense competition, but it is also filled with hugs, laughter, and fierce loyalty.  The joy is overwhelming.

I also believe at my very core, that God has chosen this for our family.  In my opinion this is not a random outcome.  God knew our children before they were born and has a purpose for each of their unique and special lives.  The gender of a child, determines so much about them.  Who am I to question the Almighty, to think that perhaps He got it wrong and gave us the wrong gender?

When Mary, the mother of Jesus was told of her immaculate conception, she replied, “I am the Lord’s servant, and I am willing to do whatever he wants.” (Matthew 1:38 NLT)   When Jesus was facing the cross and despairing over what was to come, he replied, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” (Luke 22:42, NIV).  When Job was faced with unspeakable tragedy he said, “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble? (Job 2:10, NIV)

Of course, I am not insinuating that boys are trouble. Not my angelic sons.

If raising six boys, and one baby girl is my lot in life, could I not carry that cross?  Is life so difficult?  No, it is truly an honor to be the Momma of six boys.   It’s all about perspective.  I want my life to bring God glory.  If I can do that best by raising little men, I am willing.

I trust that God truly does know what is best for our family.  I will lay down the pink hair ties and pick up a blue plaid tie once again.  The struggle is to do it willingly.  To not lament over dolls tucked away in the attic, never to be played with again.  That little red dress my aunt knitted for Kali that I would love to see on another one.  The fact that one day I will only have one daughter to call me when I am old and take me shopping for things I probably won’t need.

Life often does not go exactly as we plan.  There are detours, obstacles, and road blocks.  Sometimes they bring disappointments. The job we thought we’d get.  The house that fell through.  A relationship that was never mended.  The family we always wanted.

I never saw myself with one daughter and six sons.  But when I look in my little boy’s eyes, I know, he is exactly who I always wanted.  And looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing.  It’s not what I would have picked, but I know it’s better.

“You’re a good, good Father.  It’s who you are.

And I am loved my You, It’s who I am.”   Chris Tomlin