Baby Choices

Baby Choices:
The most nonsensical idea I ever embraced as a mom was to give your baby choices.  The fact that I bought into it at all, I blame on DIPS (Dumbness Induced by Pregnancy Syndrome), a syndrome that I still have to this day.  The reason I know I still have it is because I continue to give my babies choices, even though I know it is absurd. I recall reading in a baby magazine this idea when my first born was a baby.  You can tell that they are targeting sleep deprived, fuzzy brained mothers with this notion, because no one in their right mind would think that putting the 2 year old in charge of choices is a fabulous idea; but when I read it, I thought it was brilliant.  I imagined my sweet little daughter carefully making great choices between two healthy options.  I pictured her growing into an adult who was always able to make good choices.  And then I tried it.  Here is a conversation I had with my first born:

I said, “Would you like a banana or apple sauce”.  She picks banana.  I peel it and give it to her.

She looks at it and starts crying, “Apple sauce”.  I quickly remove the banana and give her some apple sauce.

She looks at the apple sauce and starts crying, “Banana.”  I give her both.

She looks at them and starts crying, “Strawberries”.  Thank God we didn’t have strawberries or I’m sure I would have offered her them as well.  After that she continued to list everything she could think of that she wanted to eat, growing more and more hysterical with each one:  yogurt, watermelon, lollipops!  I stood there completely bewildered.  How could such a genius idea go wrong?

After countless more episodes of this I came to the realization that giving babies choices is the stupidest advice ever pushed on helpless new moms.  Giving a baby a choice that they are not emotionally stable enough to handle frustrates everyone.  I am frustrated because I am doing everything I can to please the child and she is still crying.  She is frustrated because once she realizes there are choices, the ones that are presented are not the ones she wants and thus the power struggle begins.  I think what babies need to know is that they are not in charge. They are a welcomed and cherished addition to the family but the family does not revolve around them and their opinions, which change with the wind.

Not to mention, there is no logic or reasoning with a toddler. They don’t even know what they think or want.   We recently discovered there was a hole in the brand new fence, my husband just installed.  It was low and there was a plastic shovel next to it, so we inquired of our youngest if he made the hole.  He looked at it and said, “Yes.”  Then Ken asked him if he had been to the moon.  He said, “Yes.”  Next he asked if he had discovered the cure for cancer to which he responded, “Yes.”  Clearly the kid is clueless.  These are the people we are entrusting to decisions about clothing, sleeping and food.  Does anyone else think this is insane?

Flash forward 12 years:  I’ve done this five times already so I should know what I am doing, right?  Here the last conversation I had with my current toddler.

“Goodnight Sweets.  Can I pray for you?”  (Note that I always pray for him before bed, so why I asked it as a question is beside me.)

“No pray,” he responds.  I am taken back, unsure of what to do.

So I say, “Okay, no pray,” and start to walk out the door.

He starts wailing, “PRAY!”

So I come back and start to pray.  He starts crying, “No pray cribby.  Hold you!”

So I pick him up and start praying.  He starts wailing, “No, hold you.  Pray in cribby”.

So I put him in his crib and start praying.  He starting wailing, “No pray, read book!”

It is at this point that a light goes on in my head and I vaguely remember that this is what babies do when given a choice.  All my other children flash before my eyes and I recall feeling this foolish many times before.  Six children have done this to me and I still have not learned.  Here I am trying to reason with and accommodate the wishes of my indecisive toddler.   DIPS is a real thing.  I used to be much smarter than this.

I say, “Yes, we will read a book in the morning.  Goodnight.  I love you.” I close the door and IGNORE every other request he makes and in less than 2 minutes, he is asleep.

Why is it that we feel this obligation to ask toddlers their opinion about life?  I have come to realize with my 2 year old that he will purposely pick whichever option I do not offer.  He has no idea what he wants.  He just wants to be in control.

The thought crossed my mind that the evil, devious people who came up with this idea did it just to mess with this generation of parents.  Maybe they thought of the most illogical thing they could imagine like, “Hey, let’s put the babies in charge of making decisions.” Then they published it in their magazines as cutting edge advice that all good parents should be doing.  Now they are watching it unravel every parent that buys it. It is possible, but I doubt it.  Probably the advice to inquire what our babies want all day long was well intended (though I do not think these people have any children of their own or their children are grown and they have blocked the toddler stage of life out of their memory completely).   There is probably some research done somewhere that shows when babies are presented with healthy choices they grow into lovely adults that make fabulous life choices.  However, I have decided to take my chances on that and preserve my sanity just a little longer.  So instead of, “Do you want apple sauce or a banana?”  I’m just giving him the apple sauce and saying, “Here’s lunch.  Take it or leave it.”